In sickness and in health...

Five weeks today of our little family being sick. Colds, eye infections, violent virus, fevers, coughs, ear infection and now bronchiolitis. I must admit I have been feeling very tired, beat down, and frustrated. I even have had thoughts of why can't we catch a break, why can't I keep them well, why I can't get a shower :), why my work schedule, recent new workout routine, errand running, and hangouts are being disturbed, etc. The last 5 weeks have been a very hard, probably one of the harder I have up to this point, but yet a clarifying time. As through all this Christ is showing me my selfishness, my total lack of control, my need for Him, and my need to be still. I have no right to expect and no promise that my little schedule and my little life is always going to be perfectly undisturbed...in fact, the opposite...These are all things I know in my head. But how do they work out in my life? How do I take the Almighty God and not have Him be a compartmentalized part of my life, but throughout everything in my life, even this? Hard one. One I have been struggling through with friends and family. One Skip and I are working on -- how we raise our family. I am not the most disciplined person when it comes to reading the Word and having "quiet times". But I am discovering that is not "it" anyway. The past 5 weeks, He has driven me to Him, and He has shown me my sinful desires...again. It all sortof culminated for me at a point when I truly didnt know what to do one day i was home from work with them sick. I just wanted to curl up on the couch and nap. But instead, I opened Psalms. I turned off the tv. I prayed. I think He is faithful to strengthen your desire for more of Him the more you are with Him. I truly want to want Him, to fight the things that pull me in the other direction. And man, the flesh is strong. I want to understand that in all this illness of the current moment, I am blessed beyond measure,...to change my thinking. To think of orphans, Haiti, all the sickness and horror in the world and be not only reminded of my sin and what a blessed life I lead, but also of the call I have to live out the gospel in my life -- to keep working towards what that looks like here in this place, this bubble we live in. Of course, I cannot do any of this...only Him working in me, which is a constant process. Sanctification. I will continue to stumble, struggle, and plod along sometimes...

Psalm 23. "The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not be in want. He maketh me lie down in green pastures, He restores my soul..." This is what I read today and "restore" is my second word of the year. Refresh and restore. As I am worrying about my baby girl's fever right now, crying because I am so tired and just need a good cry, I pray he brings us all back to health...and I hope that through this, He teaches me more about myself, reveals more about Himself. Stirs me to want Him more in sickness AND in health...and to find my joy and restoration in Him.

P.S. I wouldn't mind getting back to the gym either :) I miss the elliptical.
P.P.S. Major props to my husband for his help, patience, flexibility and care through all this too. It takes an amazing person to not only put up with my moments of insanity in weeks like this, but to get snot on his shirt, thrown up on, and get down in the trenches with me...thanks, love you babe! :)